Holi Tomato!

There is a fabulous Indian festival called Holi. If you don't know it, just know that it involves chucking colored powder, water balloons and colored water...an exuberant festival of color. "Colour" I should say.

Chucking is an important aspect of the festival and people chuck not only color but also eggs, mud, toothpaste (do you feel the burn?) and there is a lot of smearing of gold and silver paint as well. Yes, smearing and chucking. The smearers are generally the younger, more aggressive Holi 'players' whose solitary focus is to ensure that you are unable to wash off whatever they have just smeared on you, so you basically look like a tomato for the next few days.

Speaking of tomatoes, a little town is Spain indulges in an activity akin to Holi called the 'La Tomatina' involving hurling of ...you guessed it-tomatoes! The festival was held just yesterday.
Truckloads of tomatoes are brought and 'poured' into the town center. The tomatoes are extra-ripe and pre-mushed like chunky salsa. What organic joy!
An hour later (yes this activity lasts only for an hour unlike Holi which spans several hours) everyone is pretty much walking around covered in ketchup and then trucks come around and hose them down with water.

La Tomatina is a huge Euro-tourist attraction with most participants coming in "ready to party." Yep, Holi has a big after-party scene too. Chucking, hurling and smearing is hard work that must be be followed by a state of inebriation!

Too bad Holi is in April and it's always so freezing here in New York...we never get to indulge in our very own NRI version. (Wink, wink.) Maybe we should adopt the tomatoed version of Holi...medium hot chunky garden salsa anyone? I'll bring chips!

Brown-ness

Yesterday was the first year anniversary of hurricane Katrina. I always liked the name Katrina, not so much since last year. I really don't know why they insist on naming natural disasters after regular folk.

I watched the Spike Lee documentary 'When The Levees Broke' last night on HBO. Really painfully moving. The media never shows you the whole picture. We all know that. So as gut-wrenching as this piece of work was (and 4 hours long) I was intrigued to see the other side of Katrina. To know the truth and see how far we have come in the last year. First year anniversaries are good for that. They create an occasion to not only commemorate but also bring back the hope and optimism to move on, forgive and forget.

But the people of New Orleans can neither forgive nor forget.
They have been denied.
And we haven't come very far at all.

Watching this film, one just can't believe these are images from this country! The most powerful country in the world. The land of hope and freedom and money. No, these are images from the third-world. I was born in Africa and lived in India...I know third-world when I see it.
Third-world is always, always brown.
The people are brown, the water is brown, the houses are brown, the trees are brown, the eyes are brown, the sky is brown.
New Orleans was and still is brown.

The documentary brings to life the stories of individuals affected by Katrina in different ways. These stories are other people's stories...their pain is shared.
The reality of what happened on August 29th, 2005 is so frightening and unimaginable. You keep asking why and then wish you hadn't asked why. Ugly, dark secrets are revealed...the muck at the bottom of the water, which will never go away.
More brown?
That would be Michael Brown.

The people of New Orleans have lost everything but still, this is home. Some have given up and will never return, others persevere and pray the city will be born again. Their culture and heritage is so rich and so powerful, their belief so strong. Why this injustice?

Masala Popcorn 4

Your better half will hate me for this one but right now is a good time to shop. The end-of-summer sales are ridiculous.
But there are always sales you might argue.
Well this one is especially relevant for those of you who (like me) head East each winter (yes you migrating bird you know who you are). Don't know about you but I have a really hard time buying gifts in December for family and friends in India because frankly they just aren't interested in Rudolph bearing turtleneck sweaters. No matter how cute Rudolph is. Everything is just so woolley and Christmassy that time of year.

This is the time to shop. Yes I know storage is an issue and who plans this early but trust me, the end of summer sales going on right now just can't be beat. Lovely cotton fabrics and summer styles that will wear well in other lands on other people or in this land (next summer) on you!

Hold the Elevator!

I feel like this was at least the fourth rainy weekend this summer. Given that summer is only about 12 weekends, that is clearly not nice.

Speaking of not nice. Why do people in elevators not press the 'open door' button when they see someone frantically dashing towards the door? How many times have you run in a frenzy to make the elevator and watched that one person standing by the door right next to the elevator button control panel thingy, look at you, watching your every moment of frenziness, that glimmer of hope in your eye and yet they just stare blankly at you with no movement of the finger towards 'open door'.

Is it that they don't know this button exists? Are they experiencing a sadistic level of 'too late sister' joy that only closing elevator doors can induce, or are people just slow and spacey? What is sooo important up there or down there that they couldn't wait one more nano second for you to hop on?

Have you noticed how some people even feign concern and pretend like they are doing something to take you in on their elevator journey but the doors still slam shut. Oh please! So fake. These people are even worse than the ones who don't try at all. These ones knead your hope in their bare hands like playdough.

I don't get it. In fact, I take it very personally. So many faces and half faces of people are etched in my memory forever. People who could have let me in just by pressing a button, just by having a quick reflex action, just by caring.
Call them elevator snobs, elevator slackers or elevator sadists...I'm not a fan.

I am a responsible elevator rider and if I do happen to stand near the control panel, I make sure to always be alert and look out for folks trying to dash in. My finger hovers precariously close to the open door button and I am always ready for action and reaction. Standing near the elevator controls, close to the door, in view of potential dashers-in, is a position of great responsibility. If you can't handle the pressure then do me a favor and stand at the back of the elevator where you won't be seen and little is expected of you.

Masala Popcorn 3...our continuing series of wonderous secrets.

Masala Popcorn infers that this series may mostly be food related. It's not. But there will be a healthy share of food-related items.

Pav Bhaji is the food (one of many) of Bombay. An extravagance of vegetables mushed into a delightful bright red looking mush, accompanied with butter-soaked buns and some lime, green chillies and onions for good measure. Oh and the extra pat of butter just in case your heart wasn't feeling it. The veggie bit is the bhaji and the buns are the pav (interpreted so for my 'international' friends.)

Watching Pav Bhaji being made is another experience all together. The biggest "tava" (flat cast iron pan) you've seen in your life (I'm talking in the range of a 4 foot diameter) and a constant adding of veggies, mushing, tomatoes, more mushing, spices, more mushing and butter, even more mushing. A lot of muscle power goes into this dish. And just for the record, the buns come in pairs. Like twins. They are known as 'jodi' which means pair in Hindi.

Pav Bhaji. Aaaaah. Sunset on a plate.

Try making Pav Bhaji at home and it just never makes the cut. Not red enough no matter how much chilli powder or tomato you put in there, not spicy enough and I just don't have the courage to dunk butter at the volumes this dish requires. And frankly, I've tried ordering it at many local Indian places here and it just sucks.

No nothing quite compares to Pav Bhaji from ShivSagar or anywhere in Maharashtra for that matter.

But my discovery changes everything. The very way you look at life. I found a 'box' of Pav Bhaji in the freezer section of my local Indian grocery store. Yes it's frozen dammit. Not just the bhaji but the buns as well. I frowned upon this modernization of a truly Indian roadside/casual eatery culinary experience.

But I was desparate.

It's bloody good people! Made by the company 'Swad' this Pav Bhaji is red, red, red and spicy! The buns are tiny but pretty good! And if you need extra 'jodi' heat up some hot dog buns cut in half. A few minutes in the microwave and this frozen delight guarantees a piece of sunset. Not the full sunset on a plate deal but a pretty decent glimpse.

Highly recommended. Give it a try!

Not My Mascara!

So what is the deal with the whole taking off your shoes at the airport security situation? Yesterday, Associated Press released a piece highlighting that airport security X-ray machines can't detect explosives in shoes. Are you telling me I struggle time and again to take off and put on my shoes, marching around barefoot while someone is semi-feeling me up...and the whole thing is a sham? And this news comes out just after the TSA (Transport Security Administration) makes it mandatory to take off your shoes at security. All this while feet/holey-sock baring was merely 'suggested'? I feel used.

Listen, suggested or mandatory the damn machine doesn't work so spare us all the added trauma will you? Besides explosives in shoes is so passe.

As you all know liquids are now banned on airlines. But mascara? As quoted on Stewart's Daily show the other day 'at what level of viscosity should we draw the line? Lotion? Yogurt?'
But please. Mascara?? Isn't there like 0.007 ml of liquid in there?
Oh but hurray-you can take those tweezers and nail clippers back on board now because someone finally realized you can't bomb a plane with a pair of tweezers or for that matter do much more than poke your annoying neighbor's eye out for continuously picking his nose or putting his elbow on your arm-rest. Ooh what fun to tweeze away at arm-hair, one follicle at a time! Sorry I crossed the line.

It seems that the TSA and whichever other security groups have a sort of knee-jerk reaction system going on. I wonder if they are thinking of what the next bomb-carrying device is after shoes and liquids, while they are so busy screening shoes and banning liquids.
I highly doubt it. Or maybe that's how they came up with mascara. Eye roll.

Masala Popcorn 2

A quick and yummy food tip...especially for the summer.

If you are one of those people who need a small but satisfying sweet treat after a meal (hey I grew up in the land of pudding ok!) here are 2 great options to consider:

Healthy Option: Frozen grapes. Freeze unwashed grapes and grab as many as you need to stave off your sweet cravings or even to replace ice cubes in your drink!

Less Healthy Option: Some people (ahem) only consider chocolate as dessert. For these people (ahem) freeze a bag of M&M's. Frozen M&M's are yumsome! In fact most chocolate freezes really well and tastes richer and more decadent for some reason (meaning you'll eat less of it-hopefully!) Just dont freeze an entire bar...bite-size is the way to freeze!

Welcome Masala Popcorn: A brand new series of spicy goodness.

Listen, this is no Real Simple (fabulousness that is a magazine and TV program filled with useful tips and advice for better living) but we do have a few tricks and secrets up our sleeves here at Nothing About Much and we (includes friends & family and contributions always welcome) have a hard time keeping things to ourselves...

So today we shall kick off a series of handydoodles, secrets, darn good advice and more that will be featured in addition to regular posts.

I will call this series 'Masala Popcorn'.


Masala Popcorn 1

I finally bought my ticket to India. Every year the situation gets worse. The travel agents tell us stories of seats being blocked off by the airlines, the airlines continue to slap on taxes and fuel surcharges (almost a third of my ticket is taxes and surcharges!) and for some reason Expedia, Orbitz and the other travel aggregators we have come to rely on for domestic travel haven't quite figured out the India route yet (all fares show up at least $1000 more than travel agents quotes). For years I believed the travel agents had the best deal but this year I was wrong. The airlines have gotten smarter and are now offering the most competitive deals directly through their websites.

I found to my surprise and delight, really good fares on BA.com. Here's where it gets better: On the airline websites, you can experiment with different dates and find the lowest fare within your date ranges (the difference between flying on the 23rd and the 25th of December is significant!) but before you punch in your credit card information online, call your agent and ask him to match/beat your deal. My agent was actually able to offer a slightly lower fare than BA.com.
Calling a travel agent armed with as much knowledge as you can get your hands on is the way to go...it might take a few hours of research online but it's worth not feeling like you got ripped off. Again.

Friday Forward.

Sometimes I still can't believe the forwards I get. The fake person dying. The Microsoft scam email. People, no company is going to pay you to forward an email. Let's get that settled once and for all.

Some forwards are actually really funny but the pressure of sending to 5 other people otherwise you 'may die' lingers near and always ruins the fun for me. The only person getting the luck for the next 50 years and whose wishes are coming true is the spam company collecting your email addresses...

So I decided to post a forward I recently received- a good one on men. You've probably seen it before but here it stands once again for your reading pleasure.

This time no strings attached. No guilt trips.

I even edited the awful spelling mistakes and bad punctuation. I'm such a nice person.

Good, clean Friday fun.


1. Men are like Laxatives. They irritate the shit out of you.

2. Men are like Bananas. The older they get, the less firm they are.

3. Men are like the Weather. Nothing can be done to change them..

4. Men are like Blenders. You need one, but you're not quite sure why.

5. Men are like Chocolate Bars. Sweet, smooth, & they usually head right for your hips.

6. Men are like Commercials. You can't believe a word they say.

7. Men are like Department Stores. Their clothes are always 1/2 off.

8. Men are like Government Bonds. They take soooooooo long to mature.

9. Men are like Mascara. They usually run at the first sign of emotion.

10. Men are like Popcorn. They satisfy you, but only for a little while.

11. Men are like Snowstorms. You never know when they're coming,
how many inches you'll get or how long it will last.

12. Men are like Lava Lamps. Fun to look at, but not very bright.

13. Men are like Parking Spots. All the good ones are taken, the rest are handicapped.

Trouble in the Air.

Isn't it so weird that I wrote about an airline yesterday? I never write about airlines. Today three other airlines were in the news for far worse reasons than bankrupcy and reorganization issues. Continental, American and United, all targets of yet another foiled terror plot. Now there's a subject I do write about. Unfortunately.

I promised to not blog on a depressing topic today but this one's a biggie. Sorry. I have responsibilities.

10 whole planes! But why over the Atlantic ocean? They are suspecting Al Queda but I dont feel bombing mid-air over water is their style. As I've noted on previous foiled terror attack related postings, here on Nothing About Much, this just isn't scary enough for AQ. Plain and simple. Ok 10 is pretty scary but I'm not buying the ocean backdrop. There's a lot of 'declining to comment' and withholding of information going on right now (a nice way of putting "we don't have our shit together") so who knows at what point they were planning to 'detonate' (why do I even know that word)?

And of course just within the last 12 hours, I finally booked my ticket to India on British Airways. Lovely. Good choice Nams.

Anyway, imagine these poor people stuck at airports just trying to get home. All liquids are banned so make sure to hydrate well before you get on board because we all know that service can take oh say about 4 and a half hours. And making mommies taste the milk in their babies milk bottles as well as taste baby food? Fun stuff all around.

What happened to the time when bombs were just bombs? You know, scary looking round things or missile-ish looking objects. Why are ordinary objects being turned into objects of destruction. Only fun when Mr. 007 Bond turned an ordinary pen into some destroying weapon. Not so fun in the real world because you can't trust anything then. Every backpack is suspicious, an iPod could blow up hundreds of people, a can of Coke becomes a weapon of "mass murder"? Sorry lets make that a can of Pepsi ?

So today they aren't allowing passengers to take on any hand baggage on the planes, definitely no liquids and gels (Jersey boys take note, this is clearly not a time to travel) and we already have the whole 'take off your jackets, sweaters and shoes please'. Why doesn't someone just start a nudist airline? Move over Hooters Air. This will be the safest airline to fly and with low security operating costs. I know. Inconvenience is the least of our problems right now.

Wednesday Blabber.

Delta is screwed. They just posted a $2.2. billion loss for the second quarter. Compare this to the $382 million loss they posted for the same time frame last year. And we thought they were in trouble then! Guess the reorganization process which we've been hearing about for a while now really isn't working out. In fact the cost of doing so cost them $2 billion which is why the loss posted is so much higher. Can someone please explain to me why reorganizing a company costs 2 billion dollars???
I remember deciding to stop hoarding my Delta frequent flier miles and finally cash them in for a ticket when at some point last year Delta sent me a very formal letter communicating their restructuring and assuring me my miles would be safe.
When your airline goes out of their way to tell you your miles are safe...do not trust them.

On another note, the monsoon is wreaking havoc in India. 4.5 million people are homeless already. I know that number shouldn't shock me but it really does. Especially when you think the population of Manhattan is approximately 1.6 million. Three times as many people walking around without homes?

The population issue really comes to life when you see a headline that reads "Five in India Die Trying to Save Pigeon". Yes, thats right. A pigeon fell into a well and one by one people jumped in to save it. I hate pigeons. No I really do.

Oh dear. I promise to write less depressing stories tomorrow.

The Day I almost Drowned in a Bombay Cab.

It's so easy for me to sit here and reminisce on the lovely monsoon season back home (see July 25th posting) but the situation back home is not as fresh and pretty as one would imagine. So many parts of the Indian subcontinent are flooding, marooning thousands of people and killing hundreds… and I thought only Bombay had flooding issues.
This would be a good time to tell my story:

Many years ago I was traveling to Bombay to get my American student visa. So there I was, on the 7:15 a.m. Deccan Queen train (best chicken cutlets ever) from Pune to Mumbai, documents all neatly arranged for the 50th time after my mom had asked for the 88th time if I had remembered to carry my passport. Anyway we were chugging along and were half an hour away from our destination when the train stopped suddenly. I looked outside and the tracks were completely flooded. The rain was pounding down hard by this time and I could see people wading alongside the tracks in knee-deep water. We were told the train could not proceed and so we just sat there and waited.

After 2 whole hours of waiting, I was done waiting. A lot of brave people had ventured out and decided to walk to the next station and when the guy sitting next to me got up to leave I was like “I’m coming with you” and so off we went. Getting off the train was like stepping into a muddy swimming pool.

The water was brown and murky as one would imagine but nice and warm (I won’t even think about why). Anyway we (I was with these two train buddies I had acquired that morning) made it the next station, took a rickshaw from there which completely flooded up so then took a cab…mind you rickshaws and cabs were incredibly hard to find and were charging exorbitant amounts of money. It was sheer luck and joy that one of my ‘new friends’ was on an expense account. Love those things.

We were so glad when we finally got into a comfy, dry cab but little did we know what was in store for us. The nincompoop of a driver made one wrong turn 10 minutes into our bumpy but still dry cab ride and as we turned into this lane, I thought it looked pretty well flooded. To confirm my doubts, I observed a bus in front of us-at least half of which was under water…so there I am thinking, ok a bus is about 3 times the height of this cab at the very least…too late sister. Our driver was clearly either blind, a risk-loving livin' on the edge kinda guy or plain stupid.
I started screaming but our cab was clearly floating. Murky black water gushing into our back seat from the boot, the doors, through the windows and my umbrella which I had kept on the floor, floating mockingly in my face. Meanwhile I was pressing my visa papers in the plastic case (thank the lord for plastic) up to the cab ceiling shouting “bachao” “bachao” which if you read my blogs, you should know means 'help' (in an excruciatingly anguished pitch and tone) in Hindi and yes I say it often.

The thing I don’t get to this day is how calm my 'new friends' and the cab driver were. They were, in fact, highly amused by my high-pitch yelling. How resigned to fate the cab driver was, who basically responded to ruining his entire means of livelihood in under 3 seconds with an “arrey baaprey” ("oh dear")
So while I screamed and we continued to drown, a hoard of slum-dwellers ran towards the cab and with great effort pushed us out of the flooded lane…like a tow boat. This is the only case in favor of over-population I have to date.

Our bedraggled saviors laughed hysterically at my panicked shrieks. Clearly I was a newbie to the Bombay flooding 'scene'.
10 minutes later it was over. My papers were dry and that was the good news. I have never been so scared in my life. The story goes on but that was the best part. Let’s just say I got home about 6 hours later. I basically walked most of the way home drenched to the bone (ooh rhyme)and often in waist-deep water.

I love the rain but floods traumatize me.
You have to have been in one to know how horrible and scary this experience can be.

Malawi Gets Madonna.

Malawi is one of the lesser known countries in Africa. The life expectancy there is as low as 36.5 years. 103 children in a 1000 die...and there are over a million orphans, 70% of whom are orphaned because their parents died of AIDS. Malawi is yet another African country forgotten and unloved by the world.
Until a celebrity comes along.
First Bono then Jolie and now Madonna.
Why are only celebrities bringing attention to the humanitarian crisis in Africa?
Well thank god for them at least. Our world leaders are too busy fighting over oil.

Madonna, whom as you all know I love and adore, has announced that she is taking on some of Malawi's problems. Focusing on helping the orphans there, she has committed to raising over 3 million dollars and is also funding a documentary that will highlight the plight of the kids in Malawi. She has also met Clinton to discuss this issue and is partnering with several aid organizations.
If you were at her recent concert, you would know that she showed many an image of orphaned African children to raise awareness of their situation. This is a cause close to her heart, and with Madonna, when something is close to the heart, she goes all the way. God bless her.

For all the bullshit celebrity news we are inundated with (one more irreverant Paris Hilton headline and aaaaargh!) it's important to acknowledge the good use the few good ones put their money and power to. And while you and I have the ability to care and educate ourselves so we can all do our little bit to make this world a better place (you should be hearing 'Heal the World' in your head at this point), there are some people who can really make a difference and truly have an impact. 100,000 of us is one of them.

Don't get me wrong-there are hundreds of people who have gone to Africa and are doing everything they can to help the people of Africa, sans celebrity status and hundred dollar bills. These are the admirable people who work with their hands day after day, sacrificing personal comforts and living thousands of miles away from their own families to help others.

But look at Madonna. Hasn't even been to Africa yet! Sitting in her multi-million dollar apartment on her multi-thousand dollar couch she has brought attention to an entire African country! The only thing I can do on my couch is change TV channels!Fame put to fab use. Not so material girl now is she?

A Heartwarmer Amongst All Evil.

Sometimes there are just too many things going on in the world. Right now is one of those times. I'm one of those people who gets easily overwhelmed with world events and therefore will suddenly retreat into my shell (let's just assume I have one) and refuse to consume any more media until I'm ready to handle it again. In this manner, I absorb news in spurts and waves. I would love to make a surfer analogy here but frankly I don't know enough about surfing to make a good one. Damn.
Anyway coming out of my shell I am once again slapped with all this news and information. There is just so much going on right now.
Mel's Madness, Hateful Hez, Horrific Heatwaves..I could alliterate away. But you know it all already. And frankly it's all terribly depressing and evil.

Did you hear about 'A Life Less Ordinary'? No not the movie. This one is a book.
A maid in India has written a book recounting her life and is creating a stir in the literary world back home. The story was covered in the New York Times yesterday and is truly an amazing one.
Baby Halder was abandoned by her mum when she was 4, beaten by her father, married off at 12, pregnant at 13, abused and beaten by her husband, ran away from him to Delhi, got a job as a maid, more abuse from employers and then she found an angel.
A man angel called Mr. Prabodh Kumar.
He caught her flipping through books on his bookshelf when she was supposed to be dusting them. But instead of yelling at her, this wonderful man encouraged her to read and write and ultimately tell the story of her life through a simple but compelling autobiography. She would write every night after finishing her chores and putting her kids to bed. She is being likened to Anne Frank. She still works as his maid despite her huge success, and is working on a second book.
Any Indian knows Baby Halder's life. We have all had maids and heard their sad stories. I don't think I have ever not heard a maid tell me her husband beats her. Her story is the story of millions of poor and uneducated women in India. But to put pen to paper and write a book that actually reaches the mahogany bookshelves of India's elite while being celebrated by women from all walks of life who suffer similarly, is a remarkable and brave achievement.
There is still hope in this world. Still angels like Mr. Kumar.
This is such a moving story and I haven't even read the book yet!

Hot Hot Hot.

Yes I just came back from a fabulous vacation in St. Tropez. I stayed at a luxury villa with outdoor showers, a private world-class spa and infinity pool....

Yeah right. I am such a liar.

I've been right here literally burning my ass of in the 'north-eastern heat-wave'. Actually right about now an Alaskan vacation would take over the St. Tropez fantasy. An infinity pool would be nice though. I've always wanted to splash about in one of those things.

It has been hot hot hot.
Too hot to enjoy the beach.
Too hot to sleep soundly.
Too hot to commute.(Penn station subway platform temperature touched 130 degrees Farenheit!!!)
Too hot to go the gym. (someone laugh loudly for me.)
Too hot to eat hot food. (And we all know how I feel about cold food. It ain't real food people.)
Too hot to step out for lunch. (Therefore chained to my desk)
Too hot to clean the apartment.
Too hot to go shopping. (and too many people taking advantage of air-conditioned malls)
Too hot to go out for a drink.
Too hot to blog?

Evidently so.

Hot hot hot.