Tribute to T

A "tantalizing" composition in "T".
Written by the "terrifically talented" Pranay Mehra. Here's "Toasting Thirteen" :)

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Tuesday the Tenth, Two Thousand Three, Ten Twenty Two:

Teething tot Tiffany Thomas Taylor thought to try three things: tasting tangy tomatoes, teasing tiny tarantulas, then traveling to the tropical Tanzanian timberland to talk to the tall trees.

The tot threw the tomatoes then tried to taste the tarantulas. Though Tiffany's two tender thumbs trapped the three tiny tarantulas, the treacherous things teased the tot till teething tiny's terrible temper triggered the twisted tactic. Timid Tiffany transformed to Terrifying Tiffany. The tot tittered, took the tiniest tarantula, twisted the tibia till the truncated tentacle tumbled three times, then threw the target towards the two trembling terrestrials. Tiffany, triumphant, then takes the three tomatoes. The tomatoes thankfully tasted terrific.

Tiny Tiffany's tricks-to-torture-three-tarantulas tale traveled to the tropical Tanzanian timberland, terrifying the terrestrials, turning them topsy-turvy. Tiffany, too, told these tales till tiny tiffany turned thirty two.

Tuesday the tenth, Two Thousand Thirty Three (twilight)
Three tarantulas tiptoe thru Taylor's terrace. Trashy Taylor tipples the third teacup. Thoughts to try three things tease the toasted thirty three's think-tank…

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Trivia: (Terrific!)
Word count: 181 words, all starting with T
Avg length of T word = 6 characters

Smelly Smelly. Poo Poo.

As I walked through the household de-odorizing (products that remove odors from places other than your underarms) aisle in Target last night I had the sudden looming thought that I was doing something drastically wrong with my domestic scent-being. Not well-being, scent-being. What is going on in this country?
First the obsession with teeth-whitening products and now this?

The hundreds of brands and product innovations (I’m talking fans, plug-in things, CD player thingies and more) dedicated to getting rid of the odor in your house makes me wonder if everyone but me lives in a pig-sty. I mean I understand the average home may have a stinky diaper, rotting banana peel and heck even a 3-week old slice of pizza lying around somewhere but does this really call for the odor-banishing army? From odor-busting garbage bags to thousands of candles in various scents of nauseating, to spray this, bust that, oust this, joust that….do you have a 100 dying rats in there? What is going on?

Ladies, if your garbage bag stinks… just take it out or rather…have your husband/boyfriend take it out. Why would you spray it with some ozone-killing product to ‘try and eliminate odors from the source’ as one Lysol commercial puts it. The source of that stink is saying throw me out…plain and simple really. The banana peel isn’t looking for a new cologne.

I really wanted to stand around that odor-eliminating product aisle for a few days to find out who exactly is buying these products, how many of them and why?
I would award these shoppers a free trip to India or Bangkok or somewhere lovely like that so they really understand and appreciate the full varietals of odors and smells that exist out in the real world. Maybe a $2 subway ride would do the trick too.

I’m not saying your house should smell like a homeless man in the subway or the gorgeous canals of Calcutta (are there even canals in Calcutta?) but I don’t think your home should smell like ‘apple spice and delights’ or ‘blossoms and breeze’ all year long either. I mean how would you then really enjoy the smell of blossoms on the spring or apples at the Farmers market…nothing would smell special or unique at all...everything would smell like...like your couch.

I just think we need to stop artificially changing things and covering things up. So many products claim to eliminate odors rather than just cover them up…how on earth does that happen exactly? Nuclear power? If something can zap that diaper smell right off this planet then trust me you don’t want it in your house! And I'm not talking about the diaper!

Its time to get off our lazy asses and take the garbage out. Once you've done that take a nice deep breath of 'this is what my house smells like as nature intended it'.

Save de-odorizing for your armpits. Oh and save the planet.

Demo-socio-econo-targeting on Craigslist

My friend Vishal just sent this to me. And since I'm in copy-pasting of crazy commentary on the web mode I bring it to you this day. Pretty freakin' hilarious! Hard to believe its real...but it sadly is indeed. Oh Craigslist. What have you unleashed.

Some girl posted "Seeking Man Making $500K" on craigslist recently, the following is her posting and one of the comments she gets.

POSTING
Okay, I'm tired of beating around the bush. I'm a beautiful (spectacularly
beautiful) 25 year old girl. I'm articulate and classy. I'm not from New
York. I'm looking to get married to a guy who makes at least half a million
a year. I know how that sounds, but keep in mind that a million a year is
middle class in New York City, so I don't think I'm overreaching at all.

Are there any guys who make 500K or more on this board? Any wives? Could you
send me some tips? I dated a business man who makes average around 200 -
250. But that's where I seem to hit a roadblock. 250,000 won't get me to
central park west. I know a woman in my yoga class who was married to an
investment banker and lives in Tribeca, and she's not as pretty as I am, nor
is she a great genius. So what is she doing right? How do I get to her
level?

Here are my questions specifically:

- - Where do you single rich men hang out? Give me specifics- bars,
restaurants, gyms

- -What are you looking for in a mate? Be honest guys, you won't hurt my
feelings

- -Is there an age range I should be targeting (I'm 25)?

- - Why are some of the women living lavish lifestyles on the upper east side
so plain? I've seen really 'plain jane' boring types who have nothing to
offer married to incredibly wealthy guys. I've seen drop dead gorgeous girls
in singles bars in the east village. What's the story there?

- - Jobs I should look out for? Everyone knows - lawyer, investment banker,
doctor. How much do those guys really make? And where do they hang out?
Where do the hedge fund guys hang out?

- - How you decide marriage vs. just a girlfriend? I am looking for MARRIAGE
ONLY

Please hold your insults - I'm putting myself out there in an honest way.
Most beautiful women are superficial; at least I'm being up front about it.
I wouldn't be searching for these kind of guys if I wasn't able to match
them - in looks, culture, sophistication, and keeping a nice home and
hearth.

- it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other
commercial interests

PostingID: 432279810

RESPONSE
Dear Pers-431649184:
I read your posting with great interest and have thought meaningfully about
your dilemma. I offer the following analysis of your predicament. Firstly,
I'm not wasting your time, I qualify as a guy who fits your bill; that is I
make more than $500K per year. That said here's how I see it.
Your offer, from the prospective of a guy like me, is plain and simple a
crappy business deal. Here's why. Cutting through all the B.S., what you
suggest is a simple trade: you bring your looks to the party and I bring my
money. Fine, simple. But here's the rub, your looks will fade and my money
will likely continue into perpetuity*in fact, it is very likely that my
income increases but it is an absolute certainty that you won't be getting
any more beautiful!
So, in economic terms you are a depreciating asset and I am an earning
asset. Not only are you a depreciating asset, your depreciation accelerates!
Let me explain, you're 25 now and will likely stay pretty hot for the next 5
years, but less so each year. Then the fade begins in earnest. By 35 stick a
fork in you!
So in Wall Street terms, we would call you a trading position, not a buy and
hold*hence the rub*marriage. It doesn't make good business sense to "buy
you" (which is what you're asking) so I'd rather lease. In case you think
I'm being cruel, I would say the following. If my money were to go away, so
would you, so when your beauty fades I need an out. It's as simple as that.
So a deal that makes sense is dating, not marriage.
Separately, I was taught early in my career about efficient markets. So, I
wonder why a girl as "articulate, classy and spectacularly beautiful" as you
has been unable to find your sugar daddy. I find it hard to believe that if
you are as gorgeous as you say you are that the $500K hasn't found you, if
not only for a tryout.
By the way, you could always find a way to make your own money and then we
wouldn't need to have this difficult conversation.
With all that said, I must say you're going about it the right way. Classic
"pump and dump."
I hope this is helpful, and if you want to enter into some sort of lease,
let me know

Incredible or not.

I was just looking up the Incredible India event on Google to find some photographs (for personal reasons...there is this Ritu Kumar kurta I saw at Sunday's fashion show and kind of want..) anyway why is it so impossible to get coverage on this event? They did such a fab job with the outdoor advertising in New York but no one really knew what the event was-who was coming, what the program was, what the big deal was. It was all so amateurishly vague. Except the show was far from amateur. It was quite decent really. They may have wanted to tell people more about the actual event. Thats all.
Anyway what I did find were some hilarious comments. Read on:

Incredible foolishness!!!!!!!!
by (some dude..have deleted his name) on Sep 26, 2007 09:45 PM
"India is truly incredible. Which other country will showcase itself in New York, while ignoring the water, power and urban mess back home. In the name of promotion, this is just a free junket for our political class. They are showcasing the Taj Mahal in New York, while a visit to the real Taj in Agra remains a nightmare!!!!! Is anyone listening?"

No dude. No one is listening.

Response to comment above (from another dude):
"Oh yes India is incredible we have 330 Million gods in India, 1 each for 3 persons, forget the shortage of basic necessities, who needs them anyway when we have god per 3 persons in India, then Indians will definitely get to heavens!!!"

"wow. what are you smoking?"

more comments:

"Indian government have you taken the permission from Left and communist parties for Incredible India@NYC show.
Yechury , Karat and party where are you why no objection and agitation."

excuse me?

"if they showcase bollywood movies which are straight lifts of hollywood hits in US, they will think that the whole of India are third rates. no bollywood please. we are rich in music, art and culture. we do not need Bollywod here which doesn't show real India anyway."

OK....

I think the last comment is interesting because while watching some of the shows I was thinking to myself..hmmm a Bollywood dance would have been more interesting than this lovely but drab folksy number. Drab only because without the nuances of the language and someone explaining the damn storyline, folk dances don't make for much eye candy. And as an Indian if I don't get it...then pray tell..who will? Let's face it. Bollywood is fun. is racy. is exciting. Is very India. Why shy away?