Starbucks Confession

I'm hoping this public confession will shame me into quitting.
Let's give it a try.

I have become one of those people whose order goes way beyond the 2 syllable cof-fee. I'm talking waaaaay beyond.

I'm talking "Tall, extra-hot, wet, soy cappuccino." Thats TEN syllables goddammit.

Now let me just explain how I got to this place from our good pal two-syllabled cof-fee. First of all because Starbucks wont use organic milk and I'm lactose intolerant I have to go with soy. This is a whole other issue and there is a huge online petition going round trying to stop Starbucks from using growth-hormone infused milk. Shocking. (big eye-roll.) Soy it is then. That's settled.

Tall doesn't even count in syllable count because it's the freakin' cup size. I wont even go there. I often try to leave it out when ordering but they will bellow back to me.."Tall, Grande?" like I'm such a moron for not specifying.

Then we have the extra-hot bit. OK I don't know about you but I don't like my hot beverages barely lukewarm. I need them to be HOT as the Lord almighty intended it. I don't give a rat's ass about scalding and second-degree burns (and yes I've been victim to some myself but it doesn't deter me. It shouldn't deter you either.)

Then we have the cappuccino--perfectly acceptable as a stand-in for coffee...it is the irresistible charm of the foam after all that's smitten Europeans for decades. But that's where the wet comes in. Now this gets complicated and I don't know that even one living being cares about this, but when you ask for a cappuccino at Starbucks at the exquisite price of $3.85, and they hand you a cup of air, something doesn't feel quite right. I need it to be more than one foamy sip at that price. Wet means more milk but not quite a latte.


Oh sweet Lord, how did I become this person?