Pity Paris.

Can someone please tell me why celebrities in America don't have chauffeurs?

Can someone tell me why I've been on a blogging hiatus for so freakin'long?

I mean really. I just cannot comprehend the countless, incessant and seemingly unecessary arrests for D&DE driving (that would be drunken, drugged & exposed) that Paris Hilton and friends manage to get themselves into.

Here we are. The 4th of June...a dark and rainy summer day. But darker and rainier for those thousands of teeming fans (4 humans and the rest mosquitos) of the chihuahua-carrying real-life Barbie doll. She's off to jail! But wait! There are no jails in the world of Ken and Barbie! There are also no meals of cereal, bread and juice (her first meal in jail).

Bitch will get out even skinnier and then some freakoid will develop the 23-day jail diet.

I just dont understand it. Where are all the chauffeurs in Hollywood? Look at India. Every celebrity has at least 3 drivers. One for the trips to and from the studios (this guy is part-time), one for the trips to the airport, designer shops and who drops and picks up the kids from school or drives celeb's mom around aimlessly. And then there's driver number three who is exclusively reserved for club-hopping and the occassional day-trip trip to jail. Number three also fetches cigarettes, booze and kebabs at varying stages of the night.

Then why so cheap Paris and friends? I mean like regular folk they could get car service for crying out loud! No one is asking you to hail a cab. Why is it they feel the need to get behind the wheel?

Then I read this "The 26-year-old socialite has already booked a make-up artist and chauffeur-driven limousine to take her the 15 miles from her Hollywood home to the jail."

A tad late wouldn't you say? Ummm and since when are you allowed to take make-up artists to prison with you? Oh I'm sorry...how else could she possibly know which shade of lipgloss and mascara would best compliment her orange jump-suit? Poor dear.