Letter To Suri

Dear Suri,
Welcome to the world...cute little thing that you are. Not too many babies get a 22-page spread in Vanity Fair as their debutante appearance and have aunty Couric introduce them on national television.

The world couldn't wait to see you Suri...being the fruit of Tom's loins and all. In fact, 'people' made up lots of stories about you and your mommy and daddy because they couldn't see you and didn't know what you looked like. They needed to see your 10 little fingers and 10 chubby little toes to make sure you were normal and not an alien baby. They made up nasty stories about you and your mommy and daddy.

You are old enough to know your daddy is crazy but poor mommy...she didn't do anything wrong! ...Other than Dawson's Creek and some really bad acting in Batman Begins. She didn't even jump on Oprah's couch! But she did get knocked up by the best looking weirdo in the world.
You can't blame the media, Suri. Daddy was being a greedy man and asking for a lot of money for your photo especially because around the same time you were born, Angelina aunty and Brad uncle had pretty Shiloh who might be your friend when you grow up. We'll see.

Mommy's pissed at the media Suri. Of course you exist! You are a beautiful baby girl with black hair and papa's eyes. But hiding you from the world for almost five months wasn't the way to go. People are mean Suri.

They are trying to auction your poop on eBay even as I write this to you.

Mommy and daddy had to work hard to be famous (mommy - a little less hard) and they don't get that you aren't just another baby...you my little one are a celebrity at birth. The more they try to protect you, the more rumours will churn. Regular celebrities can get away with protecting their kids from the paparazzi for a little while but your papa refuses to be a regular celebrity.
Suri, I hope you grow up to be kind, wise and beautiful. You clearly won't need help with the latter.

Lots of Love,
Aunty Nams