Bad Salad.

Is there anyone out there who doesn’t like salad? If so, please call me. We need to meet. We need to have lunch together and get to know each other. We must be friends. BFF even.
It’s not that I dislike salad, but when did it become totally acceptable for salad to be a whole meal by itself? Rather, when did it become totally unacceptable to eat anything else for lunch, especially at social and corporate settings? I mean I want my steak and fries damn it or my steak and cheese damn it (this is on carb watch days). Who are these women setting the precedent of ordering salad at lunch? You can be seen wearing last season’s Prada but order anything other than salad…forget it!
Salad is not and should not be a meal of its own. We’re talking about leaves here for crying out loud. Ok so you can stick in some protein, bacon bits even, take all the crumbly cheese in the south of France and lather on dressing till you’re swimming in the stuff, but we’re still looking at leaves. Just leaves. And some leaves are worse than others. Take the lame lettuce for example…70% water. Now tell me if I wanted water, I would just drink it from a bottle wouldn’t I? Why go through all the pain of chewing leaves for water?
Anyway you just can’t make a whole meal based on leaves. It won’t take you anywhere. Who gets full on salad? Ok there’s a temporary fullness that anyone chewing leaves for water will certainly experience, but then what?
This is clearly a cultural issue.
The truth is that I spent my childhood between two (other) food obsessed nations, England and India. These countries take lunch seriously. Lunch is a hot, wholesome meal to get you through the day. In India, salad equals raw sliced onions sprinkled with red chili powder and salt then squeeze on some lime and throw in a handful of raw green chilies for good measure and you’re all set. This ‘salad’ is a side dish, a mere accompaniment to the fragrant, hot meal. I’m talking steaming rice, aromatic curries, hot spicy lentils and delicious cumin-flavored fresh vegetables. Ask an Indian vegetable vendor for Romaine and see what happens. He’ll tell you ‘no madam this is India not Rome madam’ - that’s what. We only have one type of lettuce in India-and it’s called ‘salaaaad leaves’ (Yes leaves. My point exactly.) And it’s used mostly for decorative purposes or to line a burger or sandwich.
England for me was even worse, probably because it was mostly those fabulous school lunches I ate day after day - mash, mushy peas, bangers and more mash. Super healthy stuff we’re talking here. It’s no wonder there’s always such a ruckus over school meal choices these days. What you eat at that age seriously impacts the food choices you make later on in life.
Mine clearly does not include the leafy stuff. It’s sad really but now that summer is finally here (Thank you Weather Gods) I’m going to try and make peace with the whole salad situation one triple-washed baby spinach leaf at a time. Wish me luck.