Fly like a Maharani.

This was the first time in a while I flew so much domestically in India. Back when I lived there we had Indian Airlines and that was about it. The average age of an air hostess was 45 and she was 'aunty'. The new Indian air space is now occupied with an impressive new fleet of new generation air companies. Kingfisher, Jet, Spice and some not so impressive Air Deccan and a few others whose names I don't remember but they were clearly not that memorable.

Kingfisher and Jet were so impressive though. These airlines define Indian hospitality and make me truly proud. I flew Jet all the way to the Andamans, Mumbai to Chennai, Chennai to Port Blair and I really enjoyed the ride. I mean when was the last time you enjoyed economy class on an airplane? OK so I was upgraded on one of the sectors which was lovely (especially because the reason I was upgraded was that I was really late and almost missed my flight so basically they had no choice other than to give me a business class seat-ha!)but even in economy, tucking into my deliciously aromatic hot Indian meal, smiling staff all around, comfy cushy seats and personalized in-flight entertainment, good-looking and attentive attendants, what more does a girl need?

It's really impressive given the crowd in the air these days. The air has become accessible to anyone in today's India and that presents an interesting new challenge in the world of airline passenger etiquette. Well basically it doesn't exist. The patience and love required on the part of the airline becomes all the more critical to ensuring a smooth flying experience for all and I have to say *some* airlines are doing an outstanding job. On the other hand certain airlines, like Air Deccan, which I had the misfortune of flying back from Port Blair to Chennai and then Chennai to Pune, are just struggling to play nice. They fuss over each gram of luggage, offer you over-priced, awful pre-packaged food and there aren't too many smiles to be seen in general.

In an environment of cheap tickets and last-minute deals and bargains, a lot is being sacrificed. Like the time when I was being crammed and jammed onto a bus (in India you take a bus to get to your plane on the tarmac) with about 700 hundred people and I couldn't understand why the airline staff couldn't crowd control. I mean was the plane going to take off without us? Did the entire planeful of people really need to be shoved into a single non-airconditioned bus?
Anyway moral of the story is that there is a lot of inconsistency out there so what you pay is what you get. The good is really great stuff and the rest is pretty 'eh'. It's good to have choices though. Lots of choices in my new India.

India Calling.

It’s really tragic because I thought I would do all this blogging in India and I wrote just the one blog entry there (which was gorgeous by the way) and thanks to the perils of blackberry I lost the entire thing! I want to scream in anguish for each letter that I painstakingly pecked out on my blackberry and just the thought that I was praising that little evil device in my mind and saying how it was so much better than lugging a laptop all over India....aargh!
I do have some stupidity role to play in all of this but we won’t go there. Listen it’s my blog and I can do what I want to.

SO.
India. 6 weeks huh? Yep. Lovely. Aaaasum. Yip. Totally.

So much to say that I'm reduced to valley-inspired monosyllables. Sigh.
Let me try to vaguely recall the blog entry I wrote.
Well it was something about how lush and green India is and as my plane was landing in Chennai I was really shocked at how green it was. I was on my way to the lovely islands of the Andamans, specifically Havelock island, flying from Bombay (Mumbai, Bombay, Chennai, Madras, potato, potaaaato...I really can’t keep up anymore) Anyway I was gushing. I clearly remember a lot of gushing and a lot of thinking that I was such an idiot to just keep coming to India once a year, going straight to Pune where my family lives and then a courtesy trip to Bombay (that too mainly because its my port of embarkation and disembarkation) and basically never traveling anywhere else in India. They key in India, I've realized so late in life, is to get the hell out of the cities. I mean don’t get me wrong, I love each bustling, choked to the brim, wildly traffic jammed and polluted city with my dear life but oh life outside the cities is what India is really all about. Not the malls. Oh those damn malls. Don’t get me started on the malls.

Its the children playing, the little water buffalos, the rolling plains, the endless fields of sugarcane and wheat, the cute little chai stalls, the deep green rivers, the mango trees, the palm trees, the loud chirpy birds...oh I could go and on. Its all just so lovely. Yes I've lost my mind but I don’t want to go to India only to have my relatives take me to a mall. I mean I'm the biggest shopaholic I know (after Radhika) but I could go to Jersey Gardens just around the highway and get a pair of Guess jeans for just about one-tenth of the price you get them in India! Those fancy Indian malls are such a rip-off! Body Shop is twice as expensive in India! So there you have me shopping at Khadi Gram Udyog and everyone thinks I'm so not cool.
Anyway I traveled a lot this time around and I have made a vow to travel a whole lot more. I feel awful when I meet people around the world who are not Indian and have seen way more India than I have. There is so much to see and so little time. This time around I went to the Andaman Islands, Goa (ok I've been there before but it still counts as traveling) and from my post in Delhi, I went to Haridwar and Rishikesh. Ok its not an awful lot of traveling but not bad when you're spending a lot of time with family. Next time I am doing Rajasthan and Kerala. I'm dying to go to Kashmir as well. Leh and Ladakh is where it’s at.

India just shocks me each time. The malls are snazzier, the richer get richer and sadly the poorer get poorer. Or at least they seem poorer in the face of everything else thats going on around them. The restaurants are so fancy and absolutely packed to the brim any night of the week. Packed with all kinds of folks too. This isn’t the India I grew up in, the one where only the upper-middle and upper went to the few restaurants in town over the weekends, the one where clubs were only packed with the rich cool kids and their rich cool friends, the one where only a select few had cell phones and laptops, the one where traveling abroad was considered truly wow and exceptional. This new India is like another country. Everyone is the boss here and everyone has a cell phone at their disposal, everyone is connected and everyone is cool. Everyone who is anyone has lots of cash and is going to spend every last dime of it showing you how much cash they have. It’s an India that screams 'Let me show you what I've got. Can you handle this?'

End of the Holidays. Brought to you by Starbucks.

Is it really sad that the end of the Holidays for me is marked by Starbucks changing their cups back to the normal white ones? Ok that and the ginormous Rockefeller tree coming down. But mainly the demise of the red Stabucks cup.

That's really sad in so many ways.

You know what I'm talking about right? You know, every year Starbucks changes its cups to the red Holiday cheery ones...sometime around November. Ok thats a lie..its usually sometime right after Labor day weekend because Starbucks is in such a freakin' hurry to celebrate each festival. I mean every year, Jan 1st and they have their full-on Valentines Day collection out.

Anyway since October till just a few days ago we Starbucks drinkers (no I did not quit) were roaming around with our cheery red paper cups of overpriced caffeine and now we are back to the plain white cups of overpriced caffeine. It just makes me so sad the Holidays are over. Can't they have pink cups for Valentines Day?
Its people like me who promote consumerism.
Sigh.

Viva Mehico!

I have to say I don't think most Indians consider Mexico when thinking of a vacation destination because why on earth would we visit another third world country when we could just visit our own? Lets face it...we are a bit obsessed with the clean, dainty, quainty Switzerland and Scotland type destinations. Either that or Disney World. Or Bali, Malaysia...well ok all of Asia. The Caribbean is good too. Ok Ok basically a lot of other countries come to mind except Mexico. I know this because personally I never considered Mexico and once I decided I was going there a lot of my Indian friends said "oh really?"

Hmmm.
Well its time to reconsider my darlings. Mexico is a D-R-E-A-M.
For those of us living in the continental US its a wonderful hop, stop and jump away (less than 4 hours non-stop from New York!)to a place that’s wonderfully like home. Warm, sunny, golden. Delicious spicy food and lovely friendly locals. The trick is knowing where to go. Avoiding places like Cancun like the plague is usually a good start. That’s where the fat all-inclusive crowd hangs out...yep, the ones wearing 'I Love Mehico' T-shirts dragging sombrero wearing screaming kids and badly dressed wives wearing too much jewelry.

My husband and I scooted straight down to Tulum in our dinky little Chevy car which reminded me so much of my Maruti 800 from many years ago. Tulum is 2 hours south of Cancun. The good news is its pretty easy to avoid Cancun because the airport is outside the hotel zone and sets you off in the right direction toward the south, avoiding the spring break city altogether. I'm sorry for using the word 'avoid' so much here.

It’s so nice to see signs with distances in kilometers! The drive south is pretty uneventful barring random speed-breakers that appear out of nowhere with the 'caution' sign right next to the speed breaker mocking your mortal stupidity (and mortality) as you fly over it at 100km/hr. This, in a dinky Chevy is not so much fun. Otherwise all else is fun.

Fun, fun, fun. Alliterations are big for me this year.

There are cute little towns all the way down to Tulum...we will talk about some of those later. Playa Del Carmen is the one of note. Party city. Fun times. Don't even think about staying there unless you are 18. This is the new Cancun. Without the fat people. In fact, everyone is pretty damn thin and sexy in PDC.

Back to Tulum. And I promise to blog about Tulum in way more detail...but for now suffice to say its such a dreamy location...so Goa-like and you MUST go. Yes I know you've never heard of it...neither had I. But mi amigo...this is a truly unique place. A laid-back vibe, stunning beaches, Mayan ruins, eco-cabanas on the beach, a massive-ass biosphere. Overall, such a fantabulous respect and balance and harmony with nature. It reminded me of Pune in the 80's. I miss Pune in the 80's. Quaint little shops on MG Road, not too many people around..especially during the afternoon siesta hour, pleasant breezy evenings, lots of pretty trees, no electricity half the time.

More on Tulum soon.

Happy New New!

Aaaah I'm back. Tis' the season of many new resolutions, aspirations, determinations...and I'm hoping a fresh new stream of writing. I love writing. I'm hoping I will succumb more often to its thereapeutic charm. I have also been dealing with ongoing guilt pangs as a result of several friends positive feedback on my writing ...an outcome of my own shameless promotion of my blog on Facebook. I should just tell you all know that I'm thoroughly addicted to Facebook. Yes as much as I am to Starbucks. Dammit...why does this blog make me so honest? Anyway I'm feeling pressured (in a good way) to keep writing because I can't have people reading stale news! I owe them some fresh, some new, some happy new new!

I just got an email with some funny quotes...very time appropriate as I sit here wondering about my resolutions and whether I should be a rebel and not keep any at all (that would be the weak side of me who knows the truth) or go with the goat-herd flow and maintain the standard lose weight, quit smoking, have babies, stop global warming (why is remembering to take the charger out of the socket so damn hard?) genre of resolutions. Sigh.

Anyway here are those quotes I was telling you about. Resolutions anyone?

"A New Year's resolution is something that goes in one year and out the other." - Author unknown

"Many people look forward to the new year for a new start on old habits." - Author unknown

"New Year's Day: Now is the accepted time to make your regular annual good resolutions. Next week you can begin paving hell with them as usual." - Mark Twain

The last one is my favorite.

Tribute to T

A "tantalizing" composition in "T".
Written by the "terrifically talented" Pranay Mehra. Here's "Toasting Thirteen" :)

______________________________________________________

Tuesday the Tenth, Two Thousand Three, Ten Twenty Two:

Teething tot Tiffany Thomas Taylor thought to try three things: tasting tangy tomatoes, teasing tiny tarantulas, then traveling to the tropical Tanzanian timberland to talk to the tall trees.

The tot threw the tomatoes then tried to taste the tarantulas. Though Tiffany's two tender thumbs trapped the three tiny tarantulas, the treacherous things teased the tot till teething tiny's terrible temper triggered the twisted tactic. Timid Tiffany transformed to Terrifying Tiffany. The tot tittered, took the tiniest tarantula, twisted the tibia till the truncated tentacle tumbled three times, then threw the target towards the two trembling terrestrials. Tiffany, triumphant, then takes the three tomatoes. The tomatoes thankfully tasted terrific.

Tiny Tiffany's tricks-to-torture-three-tarantulas tale traveled to the tropical Tanzanian timberland, terrifying the terrestrials, turning them topsy-turvy. Tiffany, too, told these tales till tiny tiffany turned thirty two.

Tuesday the tenth, Two Thousand Thirty Three (twilight)
Three tarantulas tiptoe thru Taylor's terrace. Trashy Taylor tipples the third teacup. Thoughts to try three things tease the toasted thirty three's think-tank…

--------------------------------
Trivia: (Terrific!)
Word count: 181 words, all starting with T
Avg length of T word = 6 characters

Smelly Smelly. Poo Poo.

As I walked through the household de-odorizing (products that remove odors from places other than your underarms) aisle in Target last night I had the sudden looming thought that I was doing something drastically wrong with my domestic scent-being. Not well-being, scent-being. What is going on in this country?
First the obsession with teeth-whitening products and now this?

The hundreds of brands and product innovations (I’m talking fans, plug-in things, CD player thingies and more) dedicated to getting rid of the odor in your house makes me wonder if everyone but me lives in a pig-sty. I mean I understand the average home may have a stinky diaper, rotting banana peel and heck even a 3-week old slice of pizza lying around somewhere but does this really call for the odor-banishing army? From odor-busting garbage bags to thousands of candles in various scents of nauseating, to spray this, bust that, oust this, joust that….do you have a 100 dying rats in there? What is going on?

Ladies, if your garbage bag stinks… just take it out or rather…have your husband/boyfriend take it out. Why would you spray it with some ozone-killing product to ‘try and eliminate odors from the source’ as one Lysol commercial puts it. The source of that stink is saying throw me out…plain and simple really. The banana peel isn’t looking for a new cologne.

I really wanted to stand around that odor-eliminating product aisle for a few days to find out who exactly is buying these products, how many of them and why?
I would award these shoppers a free trip to India or Bangkok or somewhere lovely like that so they really understand and appreciate the full varietals of odors and smells that exist out in the real world. Maybe a $2 subway ride would do the trick too.

I’m not saying your house should smell like a homeless man in the subway or the gorgeous canals of Calcutta (are there even canals in Calcutta?) but I don’t think your home should smell like ‘apple spice and delights’ or ‘blossoms and breeze’ all year long either. I mean how would you then really enjoy the smell of blossoms on the spring or apples at the Farmers market…nothing would smell special or unique at all...everything would smell like...like your couch.

I just think we need to stop artificially changing things and covering things up. So many products claim to eliminate odors rather than just cover them up…how on earth does that happen exactly? Nuclear power? If something can zap that diaper smell right off this planet then trust me you don’t want it in your house! And I'm not talking about the diaper!

Its time to get off our lazy asses and take the garbage out. Once you've done that take a nice deep breath of 'this is what my house smells like as nature intended it'.

Save de-odorizing for your armpits. Oh and save the planet.

Demo-socio-econo-targeting on Craigslist

My friend Vishal just sent this to me. And since I'm in copy-pasting of crazy commentary on the web mode I bring it to you this day. Pretty freakin' hilarious! Hard to believe its real...but it sadly is indeed. Oh Craigslist. What have you unleashed.

Some girl posted "Seeking Man Making $500K" on craigslist recently, the following is her posting and one of the comments she gets.

POSTING
Okay, I'm tired of beating around the bush. I'm a beautiful (spectacularly
beautiful) 25 year old girl. I'm articulate and classy. I'm not from New
York. I'm looking to get married to a guy who makes at least half a million
a year. I know how that sounds, but keep in mind that a million a year is
middle class in New York City, so I don't think I'm overreaching at all.

Are there any guys who make 500K or more on this board? Any wives? Could you
send me some tips? I dated a business man who makes average around 200 -
250. But that's where I seem to hit a roadblock. 250,000 won't get me to
central park west. I know a woman in my yoga class who was married to an
investment banker and lives in Tribeca, and she's not as pretty as I am, nor
is she a great genius. So what is she doing right? How do I get to her
level?

Here are my questions specifically:

- - Where do you single rich men hang out? Give me specifics- bars,
restaurants, gyms

- -What are you looking for in a mate? Be honest guys, you won't hurt my
feelings

- -Is there an age range I should be targeting (I'm 25)?

- - Why are some of the women living lavish lifestyles on the upper east side
so plain? I've seen really 'plain jane' boring types who have nothing to
offer married to incredibly wealthy guys. I've seen drop dead gorgeous girls
in singles bars in the east village. What's the story there?

- - Jobs I should look out for? Everyone knows - lawyer, investment banker,
doctor. How much do those guys really make? And where do they hang out?
Where do the hedge fund guys hang out?

- - How you decide marriage vs. just a girlfriend? I am looking for MARRIAGE
ONLY

Please hold your insults - I'm putting myself out there in an honest way.
Most beautiful women are superficial; at least I'm being up front about it.
I wouldn't be searching for these kind of guys if I wasn't able to match
them - in looks, culture, sophistication, and keeping a nice home and
hearth.

- it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other
commercial interests

PostingID: 432279810

RESPONSE
Dear Pers-431649184:
I read your posting with great interest and have thought meaningfully about
your dilemma. I offer the following analysis of your predicament. Firstly,
I'm not wasting your time, I qualify as a guy who fits your bill; that is I
make more than $500K per year. That said here's how I see it.
Your offer, from the prospective of a guy like me, is plain and simple a
crappy business deal. Here's why. Cutting through all the B.S., what you
suggest is a simple trade: you bring your looks to the party and I bring my
money. Fine, simple. But here's the rub, your looks will fade and my money
will likely continue into perpetuity*in fact, it is very likely that my
income increases but it is an absolute certainty that you won't be getting
any more beautiful!
So, in economic terms you are a depreciating asset and I am an earning
asset. Not only are you a depreciating asset, your depreciation accelerates!
Let me explain, you're 25 now and will likely stay pretty hot for the next 5
years, but less so each year. Then the fade begins in earnest. By 35 stick a
fork in you!
So in Wall Street terms, we would call you a trading position, not a buy and
hold*hence the rub*marriage. It doesn't make good business sense to "buy
you" (which is what you're asking) so I'd rather lease. In case you think
I'm being cruel, I would say the following. If my money were to go away, so
would you, so when your beauty fades I need an out. It's as simple as that.
So a deal that makes sense is dating, not marriage.
Separately, I was taught early in my career about efficient markets. So, I
wonder why a girl as "articulate, classy and spectacularly beautiful" as you
has been unable to find your sugar daddy. I find it hard to believe that if
you are as gorgeous as you say you are that the $500K hasn't found you, if
not only for a tryout.
By the way, you could always find a way to make your own money and then we
wouldn't need to have this difficult conversation.
With all that said, I must say you're going about it the right way. Classic
"pump and dump."
I hope this is helpful, and if you want to enter into some sort of lease,
let me know

Incredible or not.

I was just looking up the Incredible India event on Google to find some photographs (for personal reasons...there is this Ritu Kumar kurta I saw at Sunday's fashion show and kind of want..) anyway why is it so impossible to get coverage on this event? They did such a fab job with the outdoor advertising in New York but no one really knew what the event was-who was coming, what the program was, what the big deal was. It was all so amateurishly vague. Except the show was far from amateur. It was quite decent really. They may have wanted to tell people more about the actual event. Thats all.
Anyway what I did find were some hilarious comments. Read on:

Incredible foolishness!!!!!!!!
by (some dude..have deleted his name) on Sep 26, 2007 09:45 PM
"India is truly incredible. Which other country will showcase itself in New York, while ignoring the water, power and urban mess back home. In the name of promotion, this is just a free junket for our political class. They are showcasing the Taj Mahal in New York, while a visit to the real Taj in Agra remains a nightmare!!!!! Is anyone listening?"

No dude. No one is listening.

Response to comment above (from another dude):
"Oh yes India is incredible we have 330 Million gods in India, 1 each for 3 persons, forget the shortage of basic necessities, who needs them anyway when we have god per 3 persons in India, then Indians will definitely get to heavens!!!"

"wow. what are you smoking?"

more comments:

"Indian government have you taken the permission from Left and communist parties for Incredible India@NYC show.
Yechury , Karat and party where are you why no objection and agitation."

excuse me?

"if they showcase bollywood movies which are straight lifts of hollywood hits in US, they will think that the whole of India are third rates. no bollywood please. we are rich in music, art and culture. we do not need Bollywod here which doesn't show real India anyway."

OK....

I think the last comment is interesting because while watching some of the shows I was thinking to myself..hmmm a Bollywood dance would have been more interesting than this lovely but drab folksy number. Drab only because without the nuances of the language and someone explaining the damn storyline, folk dances don't make for much eye candy. And as an Indian if I don't get it...then pray tell..who will? Let's face it. Bollywood is fun. is racy. is exciting. Is very India. Why shy away?