Masala Popcorn

This is short and sweet and maybe everyone knows but me.
You know how tights just dig into your sides...(apparently this happens even to skinny people I've been told) well now there's finally a solution for that feeling of someone clutching you at your waist like their life depended on it...it's a snip.
Yes a snip.
Literally snip the sides of the waistband of your tights with a pair of scissors, a tiny snip no longer than a centimeter on each side and you're good to go. No more pinching or unsightly bumps. Oooh I sound like an infomercial now. Remember don't oversnip or your tights won't fit you as snugly and that's no fun.
And guys if you wear long-johns which we know some of you do under them Diesel jeans, try the snip snip too. It makes for easier breathing and more room for lunch!

Winter Wonderland.

Today was a day when every girl in New York turned to her boots, cashmere sweater and puffy jacket and said a small prayer of thanks.
It's friggin' cold.
Whatever happened to global warming? Doesn't seem like such a bad thing on a day like today does it now?
It's funny. So much time and conversation can be spent around discussing the weather. When I lived in India I never quite understood it. I never understood why Americans and other Westerners would strip at the ray of sunlight, when I first landed in Chicago, I just couldn't comprehend the detailed deliberations around the wind and each snow storm and when I moved to New York I simply didn't see the need to have at least 6 variations of ultra-hip outerwear.
Now I know.
When you live in India, especially in a city like Bombay or Pune, weather doesn't really change, it's either wet or dry. And it doesn't really change how you live your life either. Daily decisions like 'should I go buy bread or just eat canned soup I have at home' are simply not weather-dependent.
Live in a climate such as ours for more than a year and you know. You live for the sun, you rush out to feel the warmth on your face and immediately feel the need to have that sensation all over...hence the stripping and sun-bathing. Listen, Indians don't sunbathe. They are expected to stay as fair-skinned and out of the sun as possible. But this Indian sunbathes...as do many others outside of India. Hey we crave the sun too. It works out well for me and many others who choose to fly home to India like geese each December because I haven't been in the sun since August and so I'm at my fairest best. Grandmothers are just thrilled.
I'm thrilled. Can't wait to feel Indian blazing sun on my face. For 2 seconds of course then I'm dashing into air-conditioning.
So back to our sub-zero lovliness...as you nosh into your warm gumbo soup, remember the thousands of homeless people out there. Try and do what you can. This is the worst time for them. It's the Holidays.
That's all. Oh yeah & stay warm willya?

More Turkey, Toned Thighs & Mad Magicians.

It's here. Turkey-Day. Been talking about it all week (well actually that would be last week) and now its finally upon us.
The weird thing is I'm not even in the mood for turkey. I think I overdosed on the All-Star Thanksgiving special on Food Network...I mean how was I possibly supposed to resist Paula Dean, hottie Giada, Emeril and Alton Brown in one room! Not to mention Tyler and Ray. Oh boy! I feel like I ate two pies already.
But you know...tomorrow is a new day. New day, new appetite I say. I even baked my own pie to bring to the party. Ok maybe not baked...assembled? That still counts for something right?

I hope you watched the Madonna concert on ABC tonite. If you didn't and loserishly didn't make her concert either this summer, you just go crawl under a rock OK. See I watched the concert live (read my post) and then watched it again today with just as many goosebumps. This woman just rules. The strength in her body is phenomenally humbling. Good thing I brought my yoga mat home this weekend I say. If yoga does that...I'm in. Must watch the concert-they will be showing re-runs on Bravo I believe. The intermittent and nuaseating Holiday commercials are cumbersome but this is what you get when you don't shell out $450 for a front-row ticket.

One of those commercials really caught my attention though. Target. I love Tarjayyy and their commercials are so cool and classy (quite unlike the in-store experience of course) but this one had David Blaine in it. The man's a nutter. He almost just died from floating in a giant fish bowl at Lincoln Center for over a week! And now the crazy dude has suspended himself over Times Square, in some spinning contraption and has to free himself by 6 a.m. on Friday so he can take 100 disadvantaged children on a shopping spree to Target.

Say what?

I don't even know which part of that sentence to double-back on. Ok so when I read it in the paper this morning I thought how charming the crazy dude is putting his craziness to good use. After his last few stunts, we were beginning to think all he cared about was bringing attention to himself and that he's so ego-centric. (Please note sarcasm here.) How glorious David. Charity darling. But thennnn. When I saw the Target ad with the crazy himself promoting the stunt and the closing shot with Target promoting it's 2-day sale "starting Friday at 6 a.m." I was like a-ha! That David Blaine has sold himself to the commercial Devil. Oh red Devil thy name is Target!

Just Google David Blaine and tell me the first thing you see. Yep, its Target, search optimized and ready to rumble.

I clearly need some sleep.

Sale or no sale I do hope he makes it out before 6 a.m. Are they going to just let down 100 under-priviliged kids if crazy dude fails? Dammit. Just when I thought I wouldn't be tossing and turning over missed 'early-freakin' bird' deals at 5:30 a.m. now I have a hundred kids and a crazy dude to worry about. Just super.

Hungover Mondays.

Big news this weekend, successful missile launch by India, TomKat finally tied the knot and held a three-minute long 'you may now kiss the bride' kiss. Oh wait, do scientologists say that? Oh and the FDA lifted the ban on silicone breast implants. Lovely!

But till I have time to pull it all apart (this is a short and therefore highly compressed week) here is a somber note to start your week. Naaat. (Somebody stop me.)
From a dear friend. It was nothing personal. Just a random forward. Promise.

Things that are difficult to say when you're drunk...
a) Innovative
b) Preliminary
c) Proliferation
d) Cinnamon

Things that are VERY difficult to say when you're drunk...
a) Specificity
b) British Constitution
c) Passive-aggressive disorder
d) Transubstantiate

Things that are ABSOLUTELY IMPOSSIBLE to say when you're drunk...
a) Thanks, but I don't want to sleep with you.
b) Nope, no more booze for me.
c) Sorry, but you're not really my type.
d) No kebab for me, thank you.
e) Good evening officer, isn't it lovely out tonight?
f) I'm not interested in fighting you.
g) Oh, I just couldn't - no one wants to hear me sing.
h) Thank you, but I won't make any attempt to dance, I have no
co-ordination. I'd hate to look like a fool.
i) Where is the nearest toilet? I refuse to vomit in the street.
j) I must be going home now as I have work in the morning.

Masala Popcorn 6...oh dammit I can't keep count anymore!

I thought I was sheer genius when I discovered the art of ice cubing.
Let's face it. I am.

Like many other cooks who wish they would cook more often than they actually do, I struggle with spoiled produce and having to chuck things away. One of the worst things is canned tomatos and tomato puree. I mean those things just don't come in single-serve sizes do they? Quite the opposite. In a major conspiracy against non-Italian mama's, tomato canning companies have decided to let us have it.
Anyway.
I found myself doing a significant amount of smushed tomato chucking (while green and red are a fantastic color contrast, it just doesn't work when the green is mold) until my friends...I discovered the art of Ice cubing!
Yes pour that remaining sauce into an ice tray and you have tomato cubes conveniently waiting to be tossed into any recipe! They thaw in the microwave in mere seconds or you can toss them directly into the pan. Bellisimo!

It gets better. Hate throwing out good wine that someone criminally forgot to finish? We all know you can't leave a bottle of wine open for more than 2-3 days at the most. Leftover wine is perfect for cooking for up to a month after being opened. But wait! Pour into ice trays and freeze and those vino cubes can be used for up to 6 months! Fantastico!

Mondays are the new (Black) Fridays.

As Black Friday approaches us,(yes I'm obsessed with shopping) so does Cyber Monday. Cyber who?

Cyber Monday you dummy.

The day when 'the smarter, savvier shoppers' who know better than to stand in line and roam the streets at 5 a.m (ahem) get busy punching in their own damn credit card digits. No crazy ladies huffing and puffing as they press up against you in line, no bitchy salespeople refusing to accept your 10% off coupon and certainly no tug-of-war over the last pink cashmere sweater you don't even want in a size small. And don't even get me started on the schlepping of it all.

Cyber Monday shoppers are the non-comformists. The ones who decided to spend Friday recovering from OD'ing on Turkey and Pie and spending quality time with the kids at home (or in the bathroom). These are the ones who were too hungover to move and the ones who really get that a 'day off' means not waking up before noon. So while I'm lying there restless at 5 a.m reeling in pain over bargain-scorers scorning me (read prior entry please)...I know I have Cyber Monday. A day of hope. A day of reckoning.

After all, what better way to start a working week when you barely did anything the prior one? It's the Holidays and what good is uber-high speed Internet at work than if not for shopping. This is better than Two-times Tuesdays, Wet Wednesdays and Happy-hour Fridays (OK maybe I went too far there). This is the 'at the touch of a button world' we always dreamed of. At just a click away we can have it people. Nicely packaged boxes, gift receipts and crisp tissue wrapping or plastic heaven if you're ordering from GAP.

So don't depair. Don't feel anxious (like me)-- I have been assured that there will be good stuff left on Monday. Do you know that last year people spent $485 million on Cyber Monday in the U.S? Surely they aren't spending all that on leftover crap?Right? Right?

I say enjoy your Turkey Day in full throttle. Heck, eat that extra slice of pie even! Knowing you can rest your sleepy head and over-stuffed tummy the next day and still get grandma those isotonic slippers at $19.99 in time for Christmas just makes everything better.

'Tis The Season. Will that be Debit or Credit?

Everywhere I look I see Turkey. Honestly it's like when you cook a meal sometimes and you really just ruin your appetite...so that by the time it's down to eating what you made, you're just not into it at all. (If you cook you might know what I mean). Either ways they are ruining it for me. By the time Turkey days actually rolls around...one whole week from today, I will be so Turkey'ed out. Maybe not so chickened out but definitely Turkey'ed out. Thank goodness for sides and pie. I'm trying to not watch the Food network but I can't stay away.

Is it just me or does each festival, occassion, special day just get bigger and splashier every year? I mean it's Christmas in Starbucks already! The cups, the menus, plush Santa bears and even frosted Santa cookies. Stores like Macy's and Pier 1 have Christmas Trees and decorations all over. Hello. Wasn't the rule to turn Christmas on only after Thanksgiving? This is so stealing Thanksgiving's thunder. It's like the girls who wear knee high boots in September. Don't push the season honey.

So like I was saying, each year I think "OK this is as splashy and blitzy as it gets" and then the next year its even more. Valentine's Day, the Holidays, even Presidents day. So in your face all the time.
Clearly I watch too much television.

There is no escape. I swore to myself I wouldn't hit the "Macy's One Day Sale--lowest price of the season. Ever" and then today when I saw all these sensible old ladies from Queens lugging around their Macy's shopping bags I wanted to cry. I knew I was missing out on some crazy deal...like a 3 piece hot-pink luggage set for $39.99. Oh man. My restraint was commendable if I may say so. I didn't go. I missed it. I made myself miss it. Those toasters, the bed-in-a-bag thingies (who the $#&^%% buys a bed in a bag?) I missed it all.

It's like on Black Friday...the day after Thanksgiving when I toss around in bed at 5 a.m. thinking of all the deals people are scoring as I lie there uselessly. What will fellow bargain-scorers think of me? Will I go this year or will I toss restrainingly in bed while my credit card breathes a sigh of relief and Yuletide joy?
We shall see my friends. We shall see.

PATH peace unto all.

I might as well devote yet another post to America's Next Model. "Naaaaaat".
Man I loved Borat. Funny as hell. Still haven't gotten over that one scene though. You know the one. Hairy and round. There I said it.
Can't help but think of it every time I see Borat's face plastered in the media. The man is raking in millions offending innocent people and nations and I am considering therapy to get that one scene out of my head...this is the irony of life.

Naaat.

Something annoying happened to me today. Of course you want to hear about it.

I was on the PATH train going home and these two desis (Indians from India) were talking so damn loudly I wanted to slap someone. Oh why oh why hadn't I charged my iPod today. Serious regrets there. Here's the thing. First of all the PATH train is like the DTC (Delhi Transport Corporation) bus so all desis note: Hindi is not the secret language it used to be. About half the people on the train know what you're saying. Ok one-third. I forgot about the South Indians.

And I used to think that Indians talk so loudly, but then I realized Russians talk loudly too, no wait the Chinese are even louder but then my sister visiting from India pointed out that Americans talk really loudly...so I am no longer attributing that trait to race. "Some" people talk loudly. And these two desis were them. Loudly in crass Hindi. Not the nice genteel kind of Hindi but the real Delhi rickshaw kind.

One girl and one guy yacking away about the most insipid things. His new couch, the fact that she was starving and would he please give her a ride home and so on. She obviously had a huge crush on this guy ("champak" we would call him back home) and she hysterically giggled after each word he uttered..er yelled. Listen desi lady: everyone's going home, it's been a long day, we all just want a quiet moment to be able to stare at nothing in particular in peace. Turn down the volume will you!
Aaaargh. I have to admit I even glared at them a few times. I willed deeply for her to stop. Nothing. She just stared back at me one time and kept yacking. I wanted to yell "shut it" in Hindi so bad I had to bite my tongue to stop myself. One of these days...just watch me.

I have PATH train rage. Please be considerate of fellow passengers and buy yourself an iPod now.

Oh Anchal!

Ok when a show over-focuses on one person through the entire episode, it's no surprise they've had it. Ciao, sayonara, adieu, whatever. I'm talking about America's Next Top Model of course and our dear desi friend Anchal. Ok ABCD (American Born Confused Desi) to be more precise but there's a desi in there somewhere. I say somewhere because the poor girl wore blue contact lenses and was ashamed of her color growing up. Personally, I would attribute that more to Bollywood and the Indian obsession with fair skin than growing up in Homestead, Florida.

Let's focus on the 'C' in 'ABCD' for a minute. Confused, scared and insecure to be more precise. I wanted to slap some sense into this dusky beauty. Running off like a scared cat from each assignment is not the way to go. Especially with bitches like Melrose around. And boy did the show producers have fun focusing on her repeated "I can't do that", "I'm too fat", "I have no friends" bit. In tonight's show she didn't want to take her sarong off on the beach because she felt she was overweight. Listen honey, you shake 'em Indian hips and do your desi-ghee (clarified butter & Indian food staple) feeding mamma proud.

Ok have you seen Anchal's before shots? Oh you should. Looks almost freakish. She's come a long way but was clearly not ready to go all the way. It was sad to see her go on tonight's show, since I'm so patriotic and all but oh well she's 19...me thinks she'll grow up into a less confused ABD. Maybe even hit Bollywood sans blue contact lenses? Oooh that's a tough one.

Beauty & The Trashy Beast

Oh the words "irreconcilable differences" just make me tingle. Especially when it has to do with a pop diva and a trashy wannabe rapper. No I'm not talking about Whitney & Bobby....I'm talking trash of a paler shade: Britney and Kevin.

And just like with politics where we quickly forgive and forget, we are ready to embrace the new-found K'Fed'less Britney with her new blonde-again hair, sexy body and the promise of a new album next year. We will quickly forget the chubby, black-haired, I shop at 'Foxy Lady' about to drop her son any-second-now Britney, that has plagued the media for the last few years.

It was all Kevin-the- "toxic" loser's fault after all. Now that he's gone, we can believe everything will be ok again. Heck, we'll believe anything.

These two are almost like the Clintons.

Saddam's in for a hanging (word on the street says it's going to be a Holiday Hanging), Rummy's finally over and out (Hallelujah!) and the Dem's finally have a say (and something to say I'm hoping).
Stay tuned. These are good times.

This Ain't No Comeback Bitches!

Hi. I'm back.
Just when I was about to quit my frivolous blogging lifestyle, a friend asks me "why haven't you been blogging lately?' Dammit. I was hoping no one would notice.
How can I quit knowing that this one person is actually reading what I have to write? I wont be able to sleep at night. I have undertaken a responsibility I can't shrug off.

Jon Stewart of the famed Daily Show (which I adore as you may know) seemed to think so too last night. He was chatting with Jerry Seinfeld and asked him when Jerry thought he (Jon) could quit the show. Jerry said never...The Daily Show (TDS) is like the paper. "The New York Times isn't just going to get up and quit one day".

I was at a digital media conference the other day and they were talking about TDS replacing the news for so many young people. Then a smart panelist quipped that this simply isn't true...you cant understand and enjoy TDS unless you know the news. It's true. Although I have to admit -- everything I know about mid-term elections I learned from a cartoon on TDS last night. The gist of it being that mid-term elections are very useless.

I got a postcard from some dude this morning saying 'Stop Bush. Vote today'. Can someone please explain to me exactly how voting today is going to stop Bush from doing anything?
Mostly I try not to think about these things because I can't vote. Give me a Green Card and then we'll talk.

My. So much has happened in the world since my last post. I know, I know, I always say that. A lot has been going on with Jolie & Pitt in Pune by the way. A juicy tidbit...
My sister's head professor in a Pune Med school also heads the Association for Buddhist chanting (yes they have one) and apparently sat down with Angie for about 3 hours (alone mind you) chanting. Good stuff. Everyone is now asking him "Zolie la bhetla ka?" (did you meet Jolie..?) Maharashtrians (the State Pune is in is called Maharashtra..the capital of which is Bombay/Mumbai and the people are Maharashtrian and speak Marathi) cannot say 'J' they say 'Z' instead.
Trivial. Especially in the face of Britney splitting with K-Fed. What???? I'm reeling in shock.
And what is up with her popping up on David Letterman last night looking for Will Ferrel? Weird. But dude. The hot, blonde pre-trashy K-Fed days is back. Hurrah!
Oh this is going to be a fun blogging week!

Masala Popcorn 5...a continuing series of spicy goodness.

Speaking of popcorn, I'm crunching on some extremely yummy organic popcorn from Pret (Pret a Manger) and to warn you in advance this post is a big (and very unpaid) promotion for Pret.

Pret a Manger is a British chain with a French name (go figure) which we are so lucky to have here in New York. What's the big deal you say? The big deal is that I'm sick of looking for food without ingredients that I can't prounounce, are more than 6 syllables long and would win high points in Scrabble. I can't find bread without High Fructose corn syrup. Eggs and chicken look like they're from a time when dinosaurs roamed the earth.
I'm not Fred Flintstone. I don't need a chicken leg bigger than my head. This is why Fred was a fat guy despite 'running' his car and bowling nights.

Pret, good ol' Pret actually gets that. I can go in there and know that everything is fresh, organic and yummy. Made with real-deal ingredients that mamma would use. Trust me. I have spent a lot of time on their website, reading the small print.

I'm not saying low-fat, I'm not saying carb-free, I'm talking about the good old days of regular size (meaning a quarter of the size you normally get) portions of wholesome food. No additives, artifical flavors or preservatives. Phew.

They source all their ingredients locally, supporting local businesses. They make everything fresh each morning and donate the day's leftovers to a charity that feeds New York's homeless. How great is that?

The ability to buy a half sandwich which looks like something I would make at home (meaning I don't need to dislodge my jaw to bite into it) coupled with a small cup of soul-warming not-out-of-a-can soup makes me a super happy person. And even though it's a 'soda' (albeit a healthier one) ...do try my favorite drink ever 'Yoga Bunny Detox'. I have a thing for good naming systems...

Arif & Pitt bond.

I have critical new information on Pitt-Jolie in Pune.

The rickshaw driver who took them on their famed 20 minute rickshaw ride through my beautiful home city has been identified as Arif Mohammed Hussain Bohri.
At 27 his life has changed forever. The media is hounding him, the rickshaw driving crowd all want to be him.

A simple man. Driving his rickshaw around town. This day was like any other. He picked up a couple in Lullanagar (very close to my house in Pune incidentally) who said they wanted to go to Le Meridien. They were a friendly couple and chattered excitedly about going to see a 'film shooting' at the hotel. He dropped them off. The hotel was chaotic with reporters and photographers. Must be someone famous he thought but wanted to get out of there as quickly as possible. Just as he was about to zip off, a hotel employee grabbed him. " We need you just for 15 minutes," he said and led Arif into the basement of the hotel.

He had no idea how famous the three people were who sooned climbed into his rickshaw. He was instructed to drive them around the city for a bit -just generally show them around. But everywhere he zoomed, the photographers and journalists followed. It wasn't a fun ride and soon the man in the back seat asked him to return to the hotel.

This is my favorite part: He had no idea how famous these people were until an employee back at the hotel said to him "Jitna Amitabh Bachchan India mein famous hai, yeh dono utne duniya mein famous hai" (this couple is as famous around the world as Amitabh Bachchan is in India).

Pitt even patted him on the back and called him "a nice man, a good driver" and the hotel gave him 500 rupees (just over 10 dollars) for what would have been a 60 rupee ride.

Oh dear.

I'm turning into a trashy tabloid journalist. Sigh. Well at least I am not saying "Pitt and Jolie forced to flee in rickshaw after media hounds them". Forced? Flee? It was a rickshaw ride! Life is a rickshaw ride. Gettit?

Googleization of The Universe.

What did I say about Google on Friday? That they were buying YouTube. Of course it was all talk then but I just knew it would happen. Now of course it's all over the news. You heard it here first!

For a paltry $1.65 billion (did you say billion?) our beloved timepass, crack-me-up, video-sharing site is about to be Google-ized forever. But then poor Google "Sitting on some $10 billion in cash, Google CEO Eric Schmidt told TIME recently that figuring out what to do with all that money was one of the company's key priorities"
Let's see...can you spell "C-H-A-R-I-T-Y".

Talk to Bill (Gates) willya?

Sindh Society: Back to it's Roots.

Aundh (pronounced as Owwwwnthe) is a quiet, upscale area on the outskirts of Pune. Not downtown Pune. More like uptown. Jeez.

Not so quiet anymore. Pitt and Jolie are shooting in a gated community there called 'Sindh Society'. Coincidently, Sindh is a region in Pakistan, the capital of which is Karachi. Karachi is where Pearl was killed.

I'm answering my why Pune question from before (read the post below).

The people of Sindh (Sindhi's) are Hindu and were forced to flee Pakistan during the partition of India in 1947 and migrated all over India as refugees. Many of them congregated in and around Pune, including Aundh. And of course created a 'hood' for themselves called Sindh Society...filled with posh bungalows and several cars to a driveway. These were the not-so-poor refugees.

But let it be known that the partition was extremely painful to all Sindhis. They were forced out of their country which was technically now Pakistan. I have heard many stories from my grandparents of them leaving behind their homes, their palaces, their jewels and cars and servants, their Muslim neighbors whom they loved, their homeland, riding across the border hiding and trembling with fear in freight trains. Enduring a journey that lasted a whole day and a night knowing they may be discovered and killed any minute.
It was a time when Hindus crossing the border were likely to be killed by Muslims and vice versa.

How ironic now that Sindh Society with it's Pakistan-loathing, not-so-poor Sindhi refugees, is now being depicted as and transformed into Karachi for this movie...

Hollywood Rickshaw Rides.

Pune is finally on the world map. Thanks to Brangelina. That's right! Brad and Angie and little Maddox are camping out (in Le swanky Meridien of course) in "downtown" Pune (someone tell the media that Pune does not have a downtown. It has a "city" and a "camp". Thanks) shooting the new Daniel Pearl movie, A Mighty Heart, that Brad's (and ex-wife's) film company is producing. Interesting .
Pakistan refused to let them shoot the movie there so Pune it was (?) ...wonder why they picked Pune of all the non-Pakistan places?
Oh well. Good for my sleepy yet crazy little city except naturally the media and locals are going nuts.

So Brangelina decide to escape the papparazzi outside the hotel and dash out in a rickshaw. I love rickshaws (see picture on my profile). But let me tell you something about rickshaws-no windows, no doors = no privacy and lots of pollution. The average hottie in a rickshaw (I'm drawing from personal experience here :) has an average of 2-3 bikes chasing her so I really don't know what Brad and Jolie were thinking! No hats, no headscarfs, no weird masks...just plain old sunglasses (Brad where were your sunglasses?) and 5-yr old sunglassless Maddox sitting between mommy and daddy. Tres inconspicuous. Not. Of course it was going to get crazy! Cute but not so clever idea.

The only famous gora (white dude) who has managed to pull off the whole rickshaw deal was Richard Branson who drove around Delhi in a Virgin branded rickshaw to promote the airline's new London-Delhi route. Mighty famous but old bearded dude is not so fun to chase.

So anyway Brad & Angie's rickshaw ride didn't really work out for too long and they zipped back to the hotel 20 minutes later. I heard that the rickshaw driver was interviewed on the radio this morning...he must be so famous in the rickshaw scene right now.

The American media is making the whole mob slash papparazzi 'enthusiasm' sound so evil which is really pissing me off. "Brangelina attacked in India". Attacked? Oh please. The only person being attacked was some Brit Papparazzi dude who was almost strangled by the sexy couple's security guard (one of many) when he tried to snap a pic after being told not to. Yawn. Tell me something new.

Brangelina (can someone ban this conjoined naming system?) plan to be in Pune for a while shooting this movie..will keep you posted on the inside gossip!

Me Need A Drink.

How cool for students of Emory University that Salman Rushdie is joining their faculty for the next five years. Wow imagine having him as your English teacher? Sweet!

Is it just me or is every single website I use in Beta mode? It's driving me crazy! I mean I want to switch to Beta in the spirit of being a web early adopter and all but frankly there are so many bugs (as I have been encountering here at blogger) that it's a bit of a risk. Once you go Beta you can't go back.
Isn't that mean? They tempt you to experiment with them and their new tricks and tools but there is no way back to the old version.

Everywhere I turn I am being forced to make a committment. Damn it.

I think I've said this before but I essentially go through phases of major news abosrption and then major news ignorance. Everytime I come out of the ignorance phase as a result of ultimately feeling guiltily clueless, I want to run back into my sheltered news ignorant world. Why?

Because I don't want to hear that sweet little Amish buggy children are being shot (why does the media insist on repeating the words 'execution style'?) and other angels are being abused by asshole politicians and clergymen (can someone explain to me why castration hasn't been instituted as a federal punishment yet?) It's all so terribly sad and depressing. And yes Google is buying Youtube...Google is buying everything people. I refuse to bat an eyelid at any more Apple and Google related business news. GoogApple is here to rule the world one nano search at a time. Got it?

Now that we have that settled and out of the way...

Happy Weekend! I need to go find another Miss Sunshine-esque movie and get me some 80's dance moves...

Too Cool for A Twinkie.

Work is absorbing me like a premium quality diaper. That and I'm having committment issues. To my blog that is.
Sorry. September wasn't a hot blogging month for me. But October. Yes the turning leaves bring much hope.
Oh where shall I begin? So much has happened in the world!

Well let me start by saying I just couldn't get over Pervez on the Daily Show. I mean what was that all about!!! He got way more media attention chez Jon than any other official business he was here for. I mean what a load of media attention he got! Anyone have a clue what he was here for, other than promoting his book of course? And what is up with writing a book when you're still in office? Risky business my friend. His country must think so too as I just read about another attempted bombing near his house last night. Hmmm maybe he'll move to America.

Behind all that security and bullet-proof glass at the Daily Show studio, the President looked pretty darn spiffy. He's a smart chap, expensive suit, speaks well (no subtitles needed here), didn't say anything silly (even when Stewart begin with a "where's Osama?"), politelty laughed at Jon's comedy showing a lighter side and didn't touch the jasmine green tea or god forbid the 'twinkie'. Smart chap.

Black tea would have been the way to go.

And who in God's name offers a President in office a twinkie?

Yes it might be one of America's most loved and precious snacks that has been "tantalizing taste buds for the last 75 years" but so has Parle G and would we offer Parle G to Bush if he came to India? Ok maybe we might but at least it has glucose in it (that way he wouldn't fall asleep in public again). But Twinkies?

Twinkies are the ultimate junk food, sugar, high fructose corn syrup, lard, beef fat (gross)and about 17 chemical ingredients you have never heard of plus it comes in a plastic wrapper with a dubiously long shelf-life...did we say tantalizing?

Excuse me while I barf for a second here.

Huff Away.

If you haven't heard of Arianna Huffington you are clearly not with it in the world we call the blogosphere.
The Huffington Post is an interesting blog...check it out if you haven't already.

But the story du jour is her new and 11th book 'On Becoming Fearless'. We were lucky to have Arianna do a quick stopover on her way to the Colbert Report yesterday afternoon. We being the place I work at we.

I have to admit when I first saw her (she walked right past me and I tried to smile but couldn't get over how much makeup she was wearing) I was quick to judge. And then when she started to talk in her super thick accent (Greek) I was not prepared to be impressed. But I was wrong. She's a smart cookie with plenty zeal and even though she quotes many French poets and authors, and shows off about her Cambridge education and all the fabulous things she did at 23...she deserves muchos kudos for being a smart, passionate and very intelligent woman. And she gave it to Colbert last night on his show. Put him in right in his place, smugness and everything. Colbert can be so annoying sometimes, detracting from his interviews just to have the last word or laugh and prove his superiority. Yawn.

I didn't get a free copy of the book, and even though it sounds mildly generic (loving mother imparting knowledge and secrets to becoming fearless to teenage daughters coupled with political fire) Arianna's delivery of the core elements of her book was compelling and often humourous.

In short:
-There's an annoying roommate in your head. Evict him/her. For Arianna, the roommate is Colbert. Go figure. I'm trying to keep this short people.
-Use common sense and some good old fashioned tools to combat your fears. Have a theme song that calms you, get plenty sleep (she had a lot to say about sleep depravation being a weakening agent) and employ a fearlessness 'tribe'-peeps that will be on your side unconditionally.
-Have a hero, an icon, a role model for fearlessness. Someone guts and glory. Preferably your mother.
-My favorite: We all have so many things we want to do in life. The best way of 'checking off' this to-do list is to accept that certain things just wont get done. Learning German, mastering ballet or becoming a painter, whatever it is just forget about it...focus on one passion and pursue it with all your heart. Omit the clutter in your head and create some space to focus on the good stuff.

Anyway gotta dash, Musharraf is appearing on my beloved Daily Show. I just can't believe it! Pervez and Jon heart to heart? In the seat of heat and everything! Oh boy, this will be interesting.

Extreme Giggles.

It's barely dropping below 60 degrees and already the toys are coming out in full force. Remastered nanos in many new colors (oh no wait there will be at least three new products released before December...Apple's strategy seems to be centered around making you feel bad and redundant for what you just bought. Sigh.) and "extreme" Elmo.
Extreme what?

That's right. The adorable red fuzzy guy who rakes in millions being tickled. Now that's what you call a beautiful life.

So some marketing guys sat around at the toy company and thought to themselves, how can we possibly make Tickle Me Elmo more exciting and sell more fuzzy red guys? Aaaah the brainwave. The outside-the-box thinking in full action.
We'll make him laugh harder. That's what we'll do. I mean real people don't just giggle cutely when they are tickled. They roll over, slap their thighs, pound their fists on the floor, double over. Genius. Make Elmo really laugh 'extreme'ly hard.

I can't get over the fact that they are actually naming the doll (sorry dude you're a guy and all but you're a doll) 'Tickle Me Extreme Elmo' aka TMX. Elmo. TMX sounds almost evil. The only thing extreme about this toy is going to be the extreme shortage during the holidays and crazy prices on eBay and the media hype that will follow. Eye roll. Ok, ok talk to me five years from now and I'll be one of those frantic parents with the frantic children screaming "mommy, mommy I have to have it."

Those marketing guys really knew what they were doing.

The new doll is in fact pretty darn hilarious. I recommend the easy way-watch a video of him 'cracking up' online. At first it's a little weird, especially when he's just standing and laughing hysterically (I don't think he should stand at all) but the minute he falls backwards and laughs -my favorite when he is on his tummy banging his head and hands on the floor, the thigh slapping is pretty funny too...you will find yourself smiling, laughing even. It takes a while to warm up to it.

I can see kids loving this obviously (and some being plain scared...how many toddlers have had a good hearty laugh like that before?) and what is cuter than kids giggling? Oh but if I were a mom I would go crazy listening to that laugh over and over again. We all know kids love repetition just like teens listening to JT on repeat mode. Yikes. Now that's extreme.
For us grown-ups, watching TMX Elmo reminds us of a time when we laughed like that and the memory makes us smile more than the robotic dancing doll...or not.